1./10.

1. Finish my Master's degree.

Master's of Science, Reading Education

University of North Dakota

Class of 2015

10. Earn a Master's degree.

#ItsMSnotBS #UniversityofNorthDakota #UNDproud

July Goals

I'm seven days late and a million dollars short, but better late then never, so let's get this show on the road. 

I haven't set any monthly goals since March for more than one reason, but a look back at March will show that many of the goals I made for this month have been carried over from then. I did manage to clean out my work email and I did finally complete my thesis, so I accomplished two of my five goals. In four month's time. Shh. I am disappointed in me too.

I usually limit myself to five goals per month but this month brings much catching up on life and transitioning back into Thailand. I simply needed to empty my mind of everything I've been needing to do, much less meaning to do, and this is the list that appeared. What you don't see are the other things that still need to be done, but not necessarily in this month. Well, hello there, August. I already have plans for you! So, a week late into July, I present my fifteen goals for the month:

1. Make monthly goal list.
2. Update my Franklin daily.
3. Transition my Franklin to the new (school) year.
4. Update my Franklin's long-term calendars.
5. Establish a daily quiet time for fifteen minutes each day.
6. Shut down my collegiate email.
7. Double check and prepare my work email for the upcoming year.
8. Clean out and organize my personal email for fifteen minutes each day.
9. Read three (3) books.
10. Pay May's rent. I was granted an extension before I left, no worries!
11. Return an important email I keep forgetting.
12. Arrange for a Thai tutor.
13. Call registrar, inquire about graduate degree posting, and order a transcript for a pay raise.
14. Blog twice per week.
15. Finish my classroom novel inventory.

I can do some of this while still in the States, but clearly some of it will need to be resolved once I get back to Thailand. But no worries, if I happen to actually finish these fifteen items, I have another thirteen waiting in the wings!

Here we go, July. Let's make things happen!

How I Dropped the Ball (By the Numbers).

Graduate school is almost done.

The thesis is as finished as it is ever going to be.

I finally defend this Thursday.

I have no other excuses.

I am fully aware that other people are able to juggle full time work, graduate school, blogging, and many other commitments while not dropping the ball on any single thing, but I am not one of those people.

In fact, for some fun, let us count the balls that dropped this spring. In no particular order:

1. Apartment cleanliness. My place was beyond a pit. I could hardly stand to be in there myself. So one day I cried for a little bit, moved everything that was on the floor out to the patio (which was most everything I owned), used almost an entire gallon of vinegar to scrub every surface in sight, moved all of the items from my patio to their proper places, and found it tolerable once again.

2. Non-stress induced cooking. I am so grateful that eating out is so cheap in Thailand. My friends did benefit from my need to blow off some steam from time to time, but overall I existed on a steady diet of som tam and fried chicken, Starbucks iced Americanos, more Subway and McDonald's than I'll ever admit (thank you, comfort-ish food), and the school chicken and potato special of the day.

3. Any sort of a laundry routine. It was crash and burn "college" loads all semester long.

4. Human interaction with anybody who wasn't willing to spend time at a coffee shop while I didn't really pay attention to them or talk to them. If you were content to sit in my presence and absorb my existence then I could spend time with you. Otherwise, my human interaction consisted with people who put their words on a page that I underlined, copied, and quoted to my academic advantage and my own heart's content but still don't have any idea that I exist.

6. Personal organization beyond my fancy three drawer system of "Frequently Used," "Business-y," and "Can't Be Lost but Doesn't Have a Real Purpose Right Now." Even Franklin bit the dust hard which was a complete shame because then I lost control of everything else. See #1, #3, and #8. Prolly #7 too.

7. Apparently I also dropped the number 5. I teach English and study reading education. No comment. 

8. Blogging. I used up my word quota teaching and writing. And revising. And revising again. And then revising some more because I'd had a twelve hour break from my previous revisions.

9. Grey's Anatomy. I completely recognize the ridiculousness of this habit, but it's been a 9 year investment for me. Also, see #4. I plan to binge watch before the school year starts. But don't worry... I already know the huge spoiler.

10. Updating my computer. I have not had an internet connection at my apartment since October 2014 and my other reliable connection bit the dust, so I was stuck on the school network which does not let me update my personal computer. Then I kept putting off updates since I've been home because I was preoccupied. Last Thursday (aka July 2), my computer finally got to the point where it refused to function until I updated it. So, two and a half hours later, I had a new OS and at least 9 other "critical" updates installed and my computer is functioning again. And at a speed that has me no longer wanting to pull my hair out.

I am finding myself not really knowing what to do with myself and all of my newfound free time. I should start gearing up for the new school year, but I need a little more time to decompress before I move that direction.

So until then, I sit and ponder. And take in this current Twins series versus Baltimore. And look forward to Thursday.

How a 17 Year Old Boy Showed Me to Love God's People

What I am about to share is not a criticism on another country's means of education. I am not meaning to exploit, attack, and/or speak ill of another country's way of life. What I mean to share is a simple conversation I had with a student in which he shared his heart, compassion for his peers, and an understanding for the burdens others must bear in this life.

I teach in a very academically competitive school. Working strictly with juniors and seniors, I feel like those pressures are even more prevalent in my students' and my minds because we are all prepping and pushing for the next level in a very short time frame whether it's the SAT, college application essays, scholarship essay, the AP exam... You name it, we are probably preparing for it. I feel my head spinning just thinking about it. With such pressures, and a true, innate desire to succeed, students are always reviewing their notes, scrambling to finish their last math problem, or rushing to read whatever they have left in a textbook or novel. The valedictorian and salutatorians of our graduating classes graduate with GPA's well above the 4.0 mark. I believe this year's valedictorian will graduate with a 4.3/4.0 GPA and the current #1 student in the junior class has a 4.6/4.0 GPA. No wonder I spend most of my days feeling not smart. My 4.0 in Class B North Dakota doesn't seem so hot anymore.

With that being said, I'd like to share with you a student story that is still rolling around in my mind months later. This time, it's serious. He didn't say anything funny or ridiculous. He shared his heart and I was humbled to the core. 

During the first semester, I had a junior boy who would often come into my room during the high school lunch break and just to study. This student doesn't come around as much as now as he did at first, but he still comes around once a week or so. Anyhow, he said he liked the music I had playing in my room (as long as it wasn't country) and he didn't feel like he had to make conversation with me. He sat quietly and didn't laugh when I would randomly sing along to whatever song, so it was a time of mutual silence and productivity. I would always ask how his day was going, but I never pushed him to talk. Seventeen year old boys are curious creatures-- they will talk when ready but should not be provoked. This young man slowly started making conversation and, after awhile, we had established a pretty solid conversational repertoire of academics, college, early-2000's Disney television (Even Stevens, anyone?), and American fast food. This student isn't an overly chatty fellow, but he usually has a smirkish-grin on his face and is always very quick to say hello. 

However, one day, such was not the case.

Max* came into my room with a very somber look on his face. He somewhat loudly placed his textbook on the desk and dropped his lanky, 6-1 frame into the same quickly thereafter. He sighed quite deliberately; I quickly turned my body around and my music down to give him my full attention. I didn't even have to ask, he just started talking.

"Ms. Aubrey, the test results for the College Scholastic Ability Tests (CSAT) came out last night. Have you ever heard of those tests?"

"I have. I had a friend who taught English in Korea last summer and she told me about them. I know that they are super competitive and both students and parents take the results very seriously."

"Yes. (In his manner of speech, Max always answers with a firm and proper -yes- never a lazy or slang response from this child.) People commit suicide over those exams. They kill themselves over a test score! A test score!"

"Yeah, (I'm a lazy speaker... judge away!) my friend told me about that as well. I remember her saying the guards would go patrol a pond on her campus every morning and it was not uncommon to find a body there. I hope you understand that you are worth more than a test score."

"I know. It's not me I'm worried about."

(This is with good reason. Max is a very intelligent student and will graduate in the top five of his class. He is an excellent critical thinker and is developing into a very eloquent writer.)

"You know how the Koreans place such a strong emphasis on college and education? My parents desire for me to go to school in Korea."

"Do you not want to study in Korea? Remember, America is not the be all, end all for solid educations."

"No, I know that. But I have realized that I can never go to college in Korea because I can never hold on my conscience that my acceptance to a university would maybe have caused somebody to take their own life. I can't live with that knowledge. I can't have somebody kill themselves over me or my actions! This is why I can never go to college in Korea." 

I remember sitting with my back to my computer and just staring at this young man. Max is one hundred percent Korean and is fluent in Korean, English, and Thai. He speaks fondly of the land of his heritage and speaks of living there again one day. His parents are raising him in the Korean tradition and this child is fiercely loyal to his parents, his family, and their way of life. At that moment, I too could feel the immensity of the burden he felt in having to go against his parents. This boy-child who can also discuss Lizzie McGuire, loves himself American chicken nuggets, and desires to go to Comic-Con one day (in full costume, thankyouverymuch) was currently sitting in a desk two sizes to small for him, bearing upon himself the burden of his peers in his home country. 

He realized he was going to go against the wishes of his very traditional parents because he could not be responsible for the loss of a human life due to his own life decision. His college admission is something he has been working for in the last 11 years of his life and he now realized he would be going in a completely different direction. And against the wishes of his parents.

I'm not sure what the most daring thing was I did during my junior year of high school. Probably buying my own basketball shoes? 

As the school year has progressed, I have come to learn more about Max. He is a dedicated student, but he is also a goofy teenage boy who likes to laugh and makes fun of my "sour, tin can music." That's country music, BTW. He says the singers all sound like the are sucking on something sour while singing and the instruments sound like tin cans. Max is especially a Luke Bryan hater. He will come around. I think. He's a smart kid. I have come to learn that Max is actually an MK, a missionary kid, and we have talked faith two or three times now. Max's parents work with the Korean population here in BKK and they have a solid college ministry at one of the local universities. Max is a Christian, which is not the point of this story, but says his faith is extremely personal to him and he is working through what he believes and why he believes it which is why he doesn't share much. He refuses to life off his parents' faith and is learning what it means to be a child of God in his own life. 

I followed up with Max not too long ago about sharing with his parents his choice to not go to Korean college. He said they were both sad and his mom shed some tears but both of his parents commended him for his decision to respect his peers as he is choosing to do. He said his dad is especially proud for Max taking a stand in his faith and demonstrating such a high regard for human life. Max shared his parents have taken some flack from other family members over this decision, but they are supporting Max nevertheless. 

I still chew this story over in my mind and it is one I'm not sure I will ever forget. I can't say that conversations like this are why I went into teaching because they aren't.  I didn't do anything for Max; instead, he gave something to me. He confirmed for me that even though I am a teacher, and teaching Advanced Placement courses at that, life is so much more than a test score. I teach people. 

Life is about people. 

God has called us to love people. 

Sometimes, love means sacrifice. 

And Max chose to sacrifice because he loves. 

(via)

Even if he doesn't love Luke Bryan. 

*Not his real name. I promise.