How Much Is Too Much?

I was not ready for this school year in the least. 

The expectations at work have been taken up no less than twelve (unrealistic and inefficient) notches the year and, when combined with a coaching load I didn't really want at times, I have been torn. (However, please note that I have really come to enjoy my coaching duties... I've had the opportunity to talk away, but I haven't. I love coaching. And I love the kiddos with whom I work.)

Part of me doesn't mind putting in twelve hour days because I have nobody or nothing else in my life right now so I am blessed with time and nothing to do with it but give to other people. But, I don't always force myself to put in those twelve hour days when I need to. Thus, I am forever behind on grading and my lesson planning is not nearly as strong as it could be. 

On the other hand, I'd like to maybe meet some other people and maybe do something in my day that involves a peer group and is outside of the four walls of my workplace or my home. When I get the chance to go watch my sister play basketball and/or spend a weekend away with her and my friends, I choose to do so. I feel convicted because my days are to be spent being the hands and feet of Jesus, but here I am... Feeling frustrated. I tell myself that I am only going to do this teaching gig for a couple of years, but what if God has planned for me to do more? Someday I'd like to be a wife and a mom, but what if His plan is for me to be in this field for the rest of my life? I realize I'm only two and a half years into it, but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. After this week, we have only three weeks remaining in the third quarter... This part of the year, in some ways, looks to be the busiest yet. You know what, though, it's not about me. It never can be.

From the outside looking in, my life looks pretty lame and (more than I'd like to admit), I get frustrated myself. Never did I think I'd be single and living with the parents at 26, but never did I expect that I'd have my dream job (not that I knew this would be it) or that I'd have found my niche like I have. I have an itch for an adventure, but what if the adventure God has planned for me is the not the adventure I have planned for myself? I know His ways are better than my ways... I don't want to miss a chance to "be" because I am too busy looking for a "go."

I don't know how much is too much. I saw a glimpse of the "too much" this last week, but through the pain comes growth-- as a person, as a professional, as a child of God.

Bring it on. I want to grow.

I just don't want to lose sight of everything else in life because I got caught up in some state-mandated, standards-based curriculum and forget what really matters.