The Thrill of Hope

2011 ranks as the worst year of my life. I experienced being denied student teaching, losing my grandpa, separating from a friend for no apparent reason, almost losing my dad, and getting through my first semester as a teacher. To add insult to injury, my undergraduate graduation was anticlimactic on many levels and I walked away from college feeling let down by the whole experience. I did experience two incredible highs that year in working my first summer at camp and spending Christmas with my dad at home with us. But overall, 2011 is a year I don't want back.

Isn't that the way it goes, though, that the highest of highs always come with the lowest of lows?

2015 is a year that I will not want back either. As I look back on this year, I will not be sorry to see it go. Contrary to 2011, the events that were supposed to be the highs of this year were undeniably marred by the lows. These last 11 months have been ones of heartbreak and loss and betrayal in ways that I never imagined or expected. People have let me down, I have let others down, and I have let myself down. People have failed me, I have failed others, and I have failed myself. Some of the story is mine to tell but much of it is not. Even though I have taken every step of my own journey, I have not been alone and I owe those who have journeyed with me the respect of sharing their perspective as they so choose. I just know that when the ball drops on December 31, I will not wish 2015 back.

As somebody who usually brings back Christmas tunes in April and starts listening consistently in October, this year has been odd in that I only started listening to Christmas music this past Wednesday. As such, I feel more anticipation and magic for the season than I have in many years past. In the same way, these words have resonated with me intensely as of late:

The thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices.

I am oh. so. weary in oh. so. many ways. However, I still have a month left of 2015 and it is a month I do not want to waste. I know the odds of 31 days bringing complete change to my life are fairly low, but I am choosing to fight for each moment this next month brings. I watched "A Charlie Brown Christmas" this morning and found myself amazed by the simplicity of what Christmas should be. My Savior was born to bring hope and life to all. Hope is not something I have had much of this last year. But this advent season is slowly renewing my hope. And that's a beautiful feeling.

25||Music to My Ears

Three songs you are connecting with right now.

I pretty much always have music playing if for no other reason than background noise. I miss Pandora quite a bit in Thailand, but have quickly become the master of YouTube playlists. I have listened to enough that I have about five specific playlists that I frequent quite often. But, I still love pulling up specific songs for a focused jam session. Here are three of my current favorites that bring up happy memories of not too long ago.

"Shut Up and Dance." This song will forever be my anthem of Summer 2015. I crank it up each time I think back on my most recent days in the States and I am immediately taken back to Target Field. I do try to keep my dance moves to myself, but when I'm the only one around to watch, I do shut up and dance. 

"Build Your Kingdom Here." This is another anthem of the summer. This song first caught my attention the morning after my sister's wedding. I know that I am super late to the Rend Collective Club, but I'm so glad I've finally found it. The words of this song are so true and the tune is catchy as well. 

"Reason to Sing." Simply stated, but I always have a reason to sing.

The 2015 Blog-Tember Challenge. Day 1. Day 2. Day 3. Day 4. Day 5. Day 6. Day 7. Day 8. Day 9. Day 10. Day 11. Day 12. Day 13. Day 14. Day 15. Day 16. Day 17. Day 18. Day 19. Day 20. Day 21. Day 22. Day 23. Day 24. Day 25.

17||My (Lasting) Obsession

Just for fun, your latest obsession. What can you not get enough of these days?

I do love a good YouTube video and sharing random videos with my high school classes is one of my favorite perks throughout the year. Since we are at the beginning of the school year, I am having the pleasure of cycling through my stash again. Albeit a tangent, please allow me to share with you today a couple of my Youtube "obsessions."

The 2015 Blog-Tember Challenge. Day 1. Day 2. Day 3. Day 4. Day 5. Day 6. Day 7. Day 8. Day 9. Day 10. Day 11. Day 12. Day 13. Day 14. Day 15. Day 16. Day 17.

The Chickens Most Definitely Have Large Talons

If you follow me on Instagram, I have started keeping track of the wildlife I seen throughout Thailand. It's a series I have aptly named "Things Not Seen on the Side of the Road in North Dakota." I've seen elephants, even though they were not wild, monkeys that were definitely wild, a potbelly pig, various geese and ducks, and more stray dogs than I can count. Some animals I have been able to photograph, but many I have missed. Regardless, Thailand definitely has some wildlife this North Dakota girl hadn't seen before.

Case in point? Here we go.

#1. Doing dishes is far from my favorite chore so I rarely have a completely empty sink. However, I wanted to treat myself one Friday night so I did all of the dishes before I went to bed. I woke up Saturday morning to find little gecko droppings (I used the most polite word there...) all over my clean dishes and this stinker was hanging out under my dish rack. I eventually chased him to the corner, cursed his existence, and then did my dishes all over again. #Mywordswerestern #Hehasn'tcomebacksince #Idon'tmisshim

#2. We had the day off from school last week for Makhabucha Day, so we visited a city park. We rented bikes and rode around for the morning and early afternoon. As we were heading back to return our bikes, I heard a loud hissing noise and looked over my shoulder to see this guy. He was the biggest and closest monitor lizard I have seen in real life. He stared us down for a couple of seconds and then decided to retreat back into the vegetation. I'm glad he left because had he attacked, I would have had to beat him senseless with my water bottle. #Itwasmybiggestweapononhand #Didn'tlearnlizarddefenseinND

#3. I have taken up running again. Well, jogging. Let's be real. I live on a side street that does not connect well to the surrounding neighborhood, so I have basically two routes to choose from and since I am slow and don't make it very far, my scenery is limited. Last week I was out for a run and a large rooster started chasing me. This rooster came up to my knee and had the largest back talons (yes, Napoleon) I had ever seen. Not that I have spent a lot of time studying chicken legs, but still. As I'm running along, the possessed poultry matches my pace and is picking up steam. His stride is starting to scare me and I make a kick at him. I didn't intend to strike him and I clearly missed, but that made him even more mad so he lunges at my calf. I did the only other thing that came to mind and I hissed at him. Apparently that was enough because he stopped and started going the other way. Dang chicken. #Dochickenshavecommunicablediseases? #Prollynotcurrentonmychickenvaccinations

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This is not a picture of the actual chicken but of three chickens from a different house. The one in the upper righthand corner was trying to fly away. These Thai chickens are crazy. I was not going to risk going back to the site of my own attempted murder. I don't know the short term memory and/or recognition skills of a chicken but I'm not ready to risk it quite yet.

Bonus. And I didn't experience this one personally, but now I always double check before I sit on the toilet. I'm not sure if "Cobra Bite to the Buttocks" is a valid sick day excuse, but I don't want to be the one to have to find out. #ChannelingmyinnerForest

Near Miss

Counting Crows, well Joni Mitchell originally, said that you don't know what you've got till it's gone.  Luckily, what which I once thought I had lost I was able to find.  I found this little beauty on one of my friend's Facebook walls back in the days of undergrad.  The night I found it, I was procrastinating from my unit plan, so I had plenty of time to watch it and watch it I did... like six or seven times.  I went back a couple of days later to watch it on Facebook and it wasn't posted anywhere.  So sad.  Then I looked for the video on YouTube earlier because I wanted to share it, but it wasn't posted there yet.  But, fortunately, it was eventually posted and will continue to be available until Youtube ceases to exist.

Do yourself a favor and watch it now.  It is stinking hilarious.  And if you knew my crew of friends who fit the personas of these four guys, you would be able to appreciate it that much more.

Just have some fun for the day. May your day be blessed. :)

16|| Now You All Can Know

"Most people don't know this but..."

... I really don't like cake. I think it's too much chewing for too little flavor. I much prefer pie and brownies for those very reasons.

... my pinky fingers are obnoxiously short on both hands. Each pinky reaches just the second knuckle on the ring finger of each hand.

... when I was little, my mom had me convinced I couldn't go to kindergarten unless I learned how to tie my shoes. A Saturday afternoon at McDonald's with grandpa helped solve that one. To this day, I don't tie my shoes the "normal" way and the only laced shoes I own are for workout purposes.

... when I was little, my dad told me that eating too much burnt popcorn would give me a bellyache. Now I know he didn't want me to eat too much so he could eat the rest of it. #Yooooouuusneakydad!

... when I worked with the youth group during one of my college summers at home, I convinced a couple of the boys that I was third in line for the role of Christine. I had to decline the second understudy role, though, because I couldn't miss that much school. #Asif 

... I also convinced one of my high school classes that Canada had bought the internet. That one didn't last too long, though. Clearly I learned my devious ways at a young age from my parents.

... I thought my parents were going to die of old age when they turned 40. I had an elaborate plan to move my siblings and I to my grandma's house 3 hours away. I had money set aside for bus tickets and notes written to our teachers explaining what was going on. It never dawned on me that my grandma was older than my parents. I was a proactive, albeit neurotic, third grader.

... I really love fresh cut flowers. Orchids and tulips are my favorites. I also love begonias and mums.

... I still cannot keep track of which is the independent and which is the dependent variable. A psychology minor and two years of graduate school still haven't solved the matter for me.

... I'm pretty sure I saw Bill Murray at the BTS station a couple of weeks ago. I didn't stop to ask because I wasn't 100% sure at the time. Now I am really wishing I would have.

14|| Blogging Because Everybody Else Did

When did you start blogging and why?

Blogging really is a curious practice if you stop and think about it. Whoever decided it would be a good idea to start writing whatever came to his or her mind at that moment and then share it with the world? I remember many a television show from my youth that was centered around a girl hiding her diary in the perfect place, out of the reach of the pesky younger sibling, lest the older sister's secrets be divulged.

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Now, that same older sister may be sharing her secrets with the internet, all in the name of authenticity and transparency.

I'm not knocking the practice. I partake in the practice myself. I just find the whole thing a little baffling.

I started blogging because everybody else was doing it. Seriously. For somebody who tries to make her own way in the world, I totally succumbed to this trend. I've messed around with blogging for the last five years or so, but I have only recently decided to really make a go of it. I'm not saying I am any good at it yet (or that I will ever be), but I am enjoying what I'm doing and that's good enough for me. I never was good at keeping a diary when I was little, so I enjoy having this space to look back on. Maybe it will only ever be for myself, but maybe it will be something for my family someday. My prayer for this blog is that it points others to Christ and is a tool for sharing my faith. Anything else that may or may not happen along the way is just a bonus in the journey.

13|| It's a Gift... Let It Be a Blessing!

Your current relationship status. If dating/married, give us a glimpse of your story! If single, share about this special season.

Being the good Midwest girl that I am, I assumed I would go to college, meet a guy, get a ring by the proverbial spring, and marry in the months following graduation.

That didn't happen during my undergraduate years and since I have done the majority of my graduate school online, the likelihood of meeting somebody in these years is pretty slim too.

I would be lying if I said I haven't struggled in coming to terms with my singleness, but I can truthfully say that by the grace of God I have arrived at a place of comfort and acceptance.

The church can be a very harsh place for singles and I wish so desperately it wasn't that way. I know I am not the first person to make this comment, nor am I the first person to feel this way, but it is the truth-- maybe even moreso for women than for men. In too many eyes, a Christian is not truly an adult until he or she is married with the intention of children on the way. As single adults, we are quickly lumped with the college students because they theoretically haven't started their lives either because they are not yet married and not yet with jobs. I can attest, though, that I am in a much different place at 26 than I was at 21. Even if I don't act like it all of the time.

I have spent far too much of my twenties hurt and confused as to what my position is in the church and the faith as a single woman with no prospects on the horizon. It has only been in the last couple of months, and even this last week in entirely complete disclosure, that God has really helped me reconcile some of my thoughts and feelings.

Will I get married some day? I don't know. Is it the desire of my heart to get married? Yes. Am I in a unique place in life as a single woman? Most definitely.

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As such, I am working to make the most of my time as a single woman. Although I am discouraged at times, I am also grateful for this time God has given me to do life outside of marriage. And even if marriage never happens, that's okay too because we are all going to be single on the other side of eternity any way!

I take comfort in the knowledge that singleness is a gift from God (1 Cor. 7:7) and God does not give bad gifts. Likewise, both singleness and marriage portray the gospel. One is not better than the other, although we all too often feel inferior as singles. After all, singleness portrays the Christian's identity in Christ (Isaiah 54, John 3, Revelation 19) as well as the Christian's eternal identification with the church (Genesis 2:18). My gift of singleness may last for a season or it may last for my earthly life. Either is just fine with me because marriage itself is only temporary-- once we pass from this life into the next, we will be united to Christ (Matt. 22:30).

Take heart, my dear sisters. The single journey can be a tough one, but, like marriage, it is a worthwhile one that garners its own unique heavenly reward.

May your day be blessed.

Soli deo gloria.

9|| A Little Innie, A Little Outie

Let's talk personality types. Introverted? Extroverted? Unsure-troverted? ;) If you know your Myers-Briggs type, tell us about it!

It sounds like I just started talking about belly buttons.

As I have talked about before, I really don't like being in front of a crowd or being the center of attention. I'll do most anything to get a laugh, but I act ridiculously to bring joy to other people... Not attention to myself.

I have really only realized in the last couple of years that I am an introvert. I enjoy being around people, but I like smaller groups and I think small talk is entirely exhausting. When I get too tired, I just peace out for a spell and reenergize in the quiet. #Don'tIjustsoundlikeaGeorgiapeach I also feel like the world is generally black or white although exceptions can (and should) be made when needed, pros and cons lists are legit, and I like to take a step back to analyze after everything has come to be.

An INTJ I suppose that makes me.

And because I'm an INTJ, I don't really have much else to say on the matter. May your day be blessed. :)

Edited to add: I found this TED talk earlier this fall and found it very valuable in understanding my own thought process as well as those of many of my students. Susan Cain presents some very valuable thoughts and ideas of what it is like to be an introvert in a seemingly extroverted world.

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8|| Favorite Tunes as of Late

Music that moves you. Are you a Spotify addict or a Pandora guru? Tell us your favorite artists/stations!

I'm not sure I would have called myself a Pandora addict, but I will admit to having been a heavy user. In fact, one of the first things a student pointed out to me after I shared I would be moving was the fact that Thailand does not have Pandora. He was genuinely concerned for me.

I definitely miss it overseas. I've tried iTunes radio and I am grateful to have it as an option, but I still don't think it's the same.

My music tastes are all over the board. Instead of talking about them all, I figured I would just share a couple of my current favorites. Love them all, hate them all... I'll just be over here jamming out!