What I am about to share is not a criticism on another country's means of education. I am not meaning to exploit, attack, and/or speak ill of another country's way of life. What I mean to share is a simple conversation I had with a student in which he shared his heart, compassion for his peers, and an understanding for the burdens others must bear in this life.
I teach in a very academically competitive school. Working strictly with juniors and seniors, I feel like those pressures are even more prevalent in my students' and my minds because we are all prepping and pushing for the next level in a very short time frame whether it's the SAT, college application essays, scholarship essay, the AP exam... You name it, we are probably preparing for it. I feel my head spinning just thinking about it. With such pressures, and a true, innate desire to succeed, students are always reviewing their notes, scrambling to finish their last math problem, or rushing to read whatever they have left in a textbook or novel. The valedictorian and salutatorians of our graduating classes graduate with GPA's well above the 4.0 mark. I believe this year's valedictorian will graduate with a 4.3/4.0 GPA and the current #1 student in the junior class has a 4.6/4.0 GPA. No wonder I spend most of my days feeling not smart. My 4.0 in Class B North Dakota doesn't seem so hot anymore.
With that being said, I'd like to share with you a student story that is still rolling around in my mind months later. This time, it's serious. He didn't say anything funny or ridiculous. He shared his heart and I was humbled to the core.
During the first semester, I had a junior boy who would often come into my room during the high school lunch break and just to study. This student doesn't come around as much as now as he did at first, but he still comes around once a week or so. Anyhow, he said he liked the music I had playing in my room (as long as it wasn't country) and he didn't feel like he had to make conversation with me. He sat quietly and didn't laugh when I would randomly sing along to whatever song, so it was a time of mutual silence and productivity. I would always ask how his day was going, but I never pushed him to talk. Seventeen year old boys are curious creatures-- they will talk when ready but should not be provoked. This young man slowly started making conversation and, after awhile, we had established a pretty solid conversational repertoire of academics, college, early-2000's Disney television (Even Stevens, anyone?), and American fast food. This student isn't an overly chatty fellow, but he usually has a smirkish-grin on his face and is always very quick to say hello.
However, one day, such was not the case.
Max* came into my room with a very somber look on his face. He somewhat loudly placed his textbook on the desk and dropped his lanky, 6-1 frame into the same quickly thereafter. He sighed quite deliberately; I quickly turned my body around and my music down to give him my full attention. I didn't even have to ask, he just started talking.
"I have. I had a friend who taught English in Korea last summer and she told me about them. I know that they are super competitive and both students and parents take the results very seriously."
"Yes. (In his manner of speech, Max always answers with a firm and proper -yes- never a lazy or slang response from this child.) People commit suicide over those exams. They kill themselves over a test score! A test score!"
"Yeah, (I'm a lazy speaker... judge away!) my friend told me about that as well. I remember her saying the guards would go patrol a pond on her campus every morning and it was not uncommon to find a body there. I hope you understand that you are worth more than a test score."
"I know. It's not me I'm worried about."
(This is with good reason. Max is a very intelligent student and will graduate in the top five of his class. He is an excellent critical thinker and is developing into a very eloquent writer.)
"You know how the Koreans place such a strong emphasis on college and education? My parents desire for me to go to school in Korea."
"Do you not want to study in Korea? Remember, America is not the be all, end all for solid educations."
"No, I know that. But I have realized that I can never go to college in Korea because I can never hold on my conscience that my acceptance to a university would maybe have caused somebody to take their own life. I can't live with that knowledge. I can't have somebody kill themselves over me or my actions! This is why I can never go to college in Korea."
I remember sitting with my back to my computer and just staring at this young man. Max is one hundred percent Korean and is fluent in Korean, English, and Thai. He speaks fondly of the land of his heritage and speaks of living there again one day. His parents are raising him in the Korean tradition and this child is fiercely loyal to his parents, his family, and their way of life. At that moment, I too could feel the immensity of the burden he felt in having to go against his parents. This boy-child who can also discuss Lizzie McGuire, loves himself American chicken nuggets, and desires to go to Comic-Con one day (in full costume, thankyouverymuch) was currently sitting in a desk two sizes to small for him, bearing upon himself the burden of his peers in his home country.
He realized he was going to go against the wishes of his very traditional parents because he could not be responsible for the loss of a human life due to his own life decision. His college admission is something he has been working for in the last 11 years of his life and he now realized he would be going in a completely different direction. And against the wishes of his parents.
I'm not sure what the most daring thing was I did during my junior year of high school. Probably buying my own basketball shoes?
As the school year has progressed, I have come to learn more about Max. He is a dedicated student, but he is also a goofy teenage boy who likes to laugh and makes fun of my "sour, tin can music." That's country music, BTW. He says the singers all sound like the are sucking on something sour while singing and the instruments sound like tin cans. Max is especially a Luke Bryan hater. He will come around. I think. He's a smart kid. I have come to learn that Max is actually an MK, a missionary kid, and we have talked faith two or three times now. Max's parents work with the Korean population here in BKK and they have a solid college ministry at one of the local universities. Max is a Christian, which is not the point of this story, but says his faith is extremely personal to him and he is working through what he believes and why he believes it which is why he doesn't share much. He refuses to life off his parents' faith and is learning what it means to be a child of God in his own life.
I followed up with Max not too long ago about sharing with his parents his choice to not go to Korean college. He said they were both sad and his mom shed some tears but both of his parents commended him for his decision to respect his peers as he is choosing to do. He said his dad is especially proud for Max taking a stand in his faith and demonstrating such a high regard for human life. Max shared his parents have taken some flack from other family members over this decision, but they are supporting Max nevertheless.
I still chew this story over in my mind and it is one I'm not sure I will ever forget. I can't say that conversations like this are why I went into teaching because they aren't. I didn't do anything for Max; instead, he gave something to me. He confirmed for me that even though I am a teacher, and teaching Advanced Placement courses at that, life is so much more than a test score. I teach people.
Life is about people.
God has called us to love people.
Sometimes, love means sacrifice.
And Max chose to sacrifice because he loves.
*Not his real name. I promise.
