If I could, I'd be on the next plane back to the States.
This last week was difficult.
I feel like I finally figured everything out this week. I did actually move halfway across the world to a completely new land. The students actually did come to class this week expecting to be taught. I really can't go home until Christmas. I really am going to miss out on some pretty important-to-me goings on while I'm gone.
I am bummed that I am going to miss my sister's entire senior season of basketball. I am bummed that I won't be home to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade or Thanksgiving Day football this year. I am super bummed that I had to turn down being in a friend's wedding because I won't be have the funds or schedule to make it back.
These are the things that make me not like Bangkok right now.
Not everything has been terrible, though. I can honestly say 95% of my issues lie with myself. I've told myself any number of solutions or situations that would resolve my current state of dissatisfaction, but the fact of the matter is that those solutions are all out of my control.
I remember going through many of these same feelings when I moved back home to teach at Trenton. In many ways, this whole situation is much of the same. I'm starting all over at a new school. I'm living in a new place where I need to find a new routine and a new rhythm. I still have college classes to get completed.
Life is just a little uncertain right now.
I'm not being fair by having this attitude and making these judgments only one week into the school year. I need to make the most of my two years ahead of me. God has placed me in Thailand intentionally. As much as I may doubt my own call, I feel a great conviction to trust the administration and authority God has placed over me. If they found me fit to serve in this place in life, then I need to believe in myself as well.
Faith refined by fire. Beauty in the ashes. God uses the underdog. Work for God and not for man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart.
Be.Do.Say.Go.
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