The Chickens Most Definitely Have Large Talons

If you follow me on Instagram, I have started keeping track of the wildlife I seen throughout Thailand. It's a series I have aptly named "Things Not Seen on the Side of the Road in North Dakota." I've seen elephants, even though they were not wild, monkeys that were definitely wild, a potbelly pig, various geese and ducks, and more stray dogs than I can count. Some animals I have been able to photograph, but many I have missed. Regardless, Thailand definitely has some wildlife this North Dakota girl hadn't seen before.

Case in point? Here we go.

#1. Doing dishes is far from my favorite chore so I rarely have a completely empty sink. However, I wanted to treat myself one Friday night so I did all of the dishes before I went to bed. I woke up Saturday morning to find little gecko droppings (I used the most polite word there...) all over my clean dishes and this stinker was hanging out under my dish rack. I eventually chased him to the corner, cursed his existence, and then did my dishes all over again. #Mywordswerestern #Hehasn'tcomebacksince #Idon'tmisshim

#2. We had the day off from school last week for Makhabucha Day, so we visited a city park. We rented bikes and rode around for the morning and early afternoon. As we were heading back to return our bikes, I heard a loud hissing noise and looked over my shoulder to see this guy. He was the biggest and closest monitor lizard I have seen in real life. He stared us down for a couple of seconds and then decided to retreat back into the vegetation. I'm glad he left because had he attacked, I would have had to beat him senseless with my water bottle. #Itwasmybiggestweapononhand #Didn'tlearnlizarddefenseinND

#3. I have taken up running again. Well, jogging. Let's be real. I live on a side street that does not connect well to the surrounding neighborhood, so I have basically two routes to choose from and since I am slow and don't make it very far, my scenery is limited. Last week I was out for a run and a large rooster started chasing me. This rooster came up to my knee and had the largest back talons (yes, Napoleon) I had ever seen. Not that I have spent a lot of time studying chicken legs, but still. As I'm running along, the possessed poultry matches my pace and is picking up steam. His stride is starting to scare me and I make a kick at him. I didn't intend to strike him and I clearly missed, but that made him even more mad so he lunges at my calf. I did the only other thing that came to mind and I hissed at him. Apparently that was enough because he stopped and started going the other way. Dang chicken. #Dochickenshavecommunicablediseases? #Prollynotcurrentonmychickenvaccinations

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This is not a picture of the actual chicken but of three chickens from a different house. The one in the upper righthand corner was trying to fly away. These Thai chickens are crazy. I was not going to risk going back to the site of my own attempted murder. I don't know the short term memory and/or recognition skills of a chicken but I'm not ready to risk it quite yet.

Bonus. And I didn't experience this one personally, but now I always double check before I sit on the toilet. I'm not sure if "Cobra Bite to the Buttocks" is a valid sick day excuse, but I don't want to be the one to have to find out. #ChannelingmyinnerForest